Wednesday, May 25, 2005

sandwiched in between

I haven't blogged for more than a week.. My posts are becoming sporadic in nature. But tonight, i switched on my computer and came online with the sole purpose of finding solace in writing.

The previous entry i talked about stereotyping. I don't feel like talking about that tonight. Cuz.. being stereotyped is a terrible feeling. I don't like it. But.. being sandwiched in between feels far worse.

Have you ever been forced to chooose between 2 things equally important to you in your life? Both of which you know you cannot give up upon.. and knowing that either choice leads to the other party being hurt and disappointed.. and either way you'll know you're the one who hurts most because you care too much about both and can't bear for either to feel hurt.. and no matter which party feels hurt you will definitely feel the same..

Reconciliation between the 2 is, though not impossible, not an easy task either... Nothing is perfect in this world.. As the chinese saying goes, 针无两头利... you can't have it all; opportunity cost prevails.. Time is one thing that cannot be shared or repeated.. Spending time on one thing means not spending time on another, there are no two ways about it..

The task of reconciliation feels especially heavy to carry tonight, all of a sudden. It's like, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much effort you put in, there will always be some inherent flaw and unhappiness that will surface from that little streak that mar the otherwise clean slate. You try to smile and shrug it off but you find that you no longer have the energy to twitch up the corners of your mouth. You try to reduce the disappointment in the hurt party but fail miserably because you find yourself drained of the energy, and of the happiness needed to infect the other party..

Emotions rule our heart and hence, our life.. Without joy and sorrow, without ups and downs, life will be nothing... Uneventful and therefore meaningless, monotonous.. However, i can't help but think how wonderful life may be without the element of sorrow? And wouldn't it be wonderful if choices didn't have to be made? If both sides of the coin could be satisfied.. Wouldn't it be nice?

And i wish i could have made the alternate choice too.. Sadly the choice isn't always yours to make alone, other factors have to be put into consideration as well.. Don't ever doubt that i am not feeling the sadness and hurt you're feeling because i definitely am, if not more. All i'm asking is for more faith, optimism and trust... sharing pain and sadness instead of inflicting it... is that too much to ask for?

Posted by liz at 12:02 am 0 comments