Tuesday, June 13, 2006

I believe.

Been so long since the last post. It's the hols, I've been slacking like nobody's business, I haven't been achieving anything much concrete, yet it seems as though I am the busiest girl in the world. Why's that? Slacking = busy??

Well, results have been disappointing as usual, but I've already learnt to take things such as these in my stride. Guess what's most important is to know that I've already put in my effort. Just maybe it hasn't been my 200 percent's worth but then, feel that it doesn't seem very worth it to put so much stress and pressure upon myself to get good grades. Life in uni has been tough and competition, much greater than expected. Even in my days in rv and hc, even though i may not have been the best, I still did well overall. I've really underestimated people in uni.. Think that it's a good thing that I chose biz though. Might have fared much worse if I applied into Law instead, hmm?

Still, will be doing a 4th year to get my second lower. Although it's a very far cry from my pre-nus admission goal of first class honours, it has to be better than a mere "pass with merit" hasn't it? Actually I've got to admit, even with all the self-consoling I've done about not giving myself so much pressure to perform, everytime I think back about my aspirations 3 years ago, and comparing to my achievements the past 3 years, I feel a distinct heartache and unbearable sadness. I hate to lose, I hate to suck at something, and I hate to feel the powerlessness that I've been feeling the past 3 years. How I wish I could turn back time; maybe if given a second chance, I'll really do things right. Or could I?

Nevertheless.. The competitive streak in me is telling me to move on. Whenever all these depressing thoughts threaten to consume my mind, I force myself to eradicate all, or at least most, of them and to direct my energy instead towards the possible future achievements in my life. Although I've sucked at my finance modules in school, I still applied for the CFA exam, and I refuse to let myself fail! Not only because of the money (lots of it) already invested, I cannot afford to lose again. I think there's only so many times I can fall before I'm too exhausted to pick myself up again. And while I'm still slacking away now, I really think I have to work hard soon. Sounds very sian to me especially since it's the hols now and I have nothing but the holiday mood. But ohwells. No pain no gain. Ciao.

Posted by liz at 11:09 pm 5 comments