Tuesday, March 13, 2007

You're probably never gonna be who you wanted to be.

These days depression can really creep up on you, though I'm not too sure how, considering I am too busy to even feel depressed. I think it's mainly expectations and comparisons. You expect too much, compare too much. Used to be so naive and dream of all that "bright future" and "wonderful job", but 4 years of university has come and gone, and I don't see myself heading down the beautiful path I had once envisaged. I hear all sorts of stories, of friends who found fantastic jobs, of friends who do even worse than me in school but have secured much better jobs than I. A week ago I managed to psycho myself into thinking that I'd made a reasonable choice and that it's not that bad. Suddenly I am doubting myself. This morning I met a friend on the bus. No honours. So-so grades. He said he wouldn't settle for below 2.5K. A friend called this evening. No honours. So-so grades. She graduated last year and bummed around until now. Asked me to be her reference. Investment banking job. 3.3K. Why don't these things happen to me? Wonder if I settled too quickly. Was I too eager to just get any job? People around me keep telling me that it's only the 1st few years and that the increment is high, it's worth it. Why is it worth it? It'll take me 2 years just to take home a salary that others are getting now. Tell me how this sum works out. I don't buy it. But then again, if I don't buy it, I dunno why I accepted in the first place. Lets face it, girl. You're really just mucking around. Why get depressed when you asked for it yourself? I mean, you screw up your grades, so you screw up your internship chances, so you screw up your job search. It's cause and effect. It's just that simple. Welcome to reality.

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Posted by liz at 11:08 am 2 comments