Tuesday, June 26, 2007

emotional carnage

I've realised that very often, you are your own harshest critic. And that disappointment in yourself can be the worst type of disappointment. Simply because there is no one else to blame but yourself. And that the frustration stemming from this disappointment doesn't go away, because all that frustration is just directed at yourself. There is no outlet for all that depression and anger and all it does is that it makes you a nervous emotional wreck, surviving on misery and self-doubt. Every day you wonder if there is hope for the future because shadows of the past haunt you and mock you. You may continue living, pretending that everything is alright, but there is a part of you that never stops thinking about all this unhappiness. Frankly I'm quite sick of it because it's twisted up like a knot inside my heart. Because I can't let go of it I can't be happy without feeling that there is this part of my life that is screwed up. It makes me irritable and snappy. I don't like it but I don't know how to get rid of it. If only life was simpler and the way I had always hoped it would be.

Posted by liz at 12:14 am 0 comments